Inevitable
by D-chan
Summary: IkhnyKizna :: shoujo ai, short :: Ikhny’s thoughts of her best friend and crush how only Kizna can make everything all right in her insecure world.


**:: Inevitable ::**

by _D-chan_

Megami Kouhosei

Rating: G

Pairing: Ikhny+Kizna

Warnings: shoujo ai, short, angst

Disclaimer: *long-suffering sigh* I don't own MK or the characters. Okay? OKAY?? All I can do is collect the wonderful things I can... Like manga and DVDs. *_*

Summary: Ikhny's thoughts of her best friend and crush; how only Kizna can make everything all right in her insecure world.

Notes: Oh. My. God. I have _no_ idea why I wanted to do this so badly. I don't even _like_ Ikhny or Kizna that much! I think it was the lack of fics for them out there, especially when there's so much potential for romance. I mean, I hardly ever write yuri or shoujo ai, and when I do it's usually Meiling/Sakura from CCS. Weird stuff. But... I dunno, I guess I just like the pairing enough to think it's almost cute. *shrug* Oh, well. I hope I don't screw this up...

Reference to the anime here, namely to Curriculums 10 and 11... With good reason, mind you.

Is it me? Is it really? I know you'll tell me the truth; you always do. You always encourage me; only you will take the time to try to understand me. That's why you're my best friend.

It's so hard having a partner the complete opposite of you, so cold and incapable of compassion. He frightens me when all I've tried to do is help him. Maybe I should just stop trying...

You always tell me you can't empathize, but you can sympathize. You always know just the right thing to say to give me that little boost of confidence I need to keep on trying and I am so, so grateful that you even bother with me.

And you're always honest. If I'm doing something wrong you'll tell me, and if I'm doing something right you'll subtlety congratulate me. If I completely and totally mess up, you're always right behind me to help me through. I remember that one time when I made the biggest mistake that nearly got Zero killed... And I'm so, so sorry! I still feel the terror and guilt I felt the day Victim attacked that I felt then every time I think about it and I can only apologize so many times... Oh, I'm so sorry, so very sorry...

And I remember the way you covered for me that day. I was so amazed and so shocked. Even after doing something so horrible, you'd smooth it over for me and exonerate me, going on as though it had never happened?

I have to admit, I'm a little jealous of you and Zero. Your partnership is perfect; you get along just like siblings. And I... I never even get recognized as human. But the worst part is, I feel horrible of being secretly jealous. The guilt of even thinking some of the thoughts I do just eats at me, gnawing at my soul until it leaves me trembling and crying.

And how is it that every time I shed tears, you're always there for me, with a hug, a smile and gentle words? How do you do it? How... How do you put up with the monotony of it all?

Sometimes I consider crying for no reason, just so you'll be there to comfort me. I admit, I love it when you hold me and talk to me. And I... I... I think I might love you.

I don't want to say anything. After all, what if telling you feelings even I am not completely sure of yet turns you away from me completely? Who will help hold me together? Without your support I'd completely crumble. I've grown dependant on your comfort and the attention-starved human in me constantly clings to that comfort.

"Everything will be okay," you say. "All you need to do is work hard and prove yourself. He'll accept you eventually. He _has_ to. You're the essential part of making him a pilot."

Funny how you understand that and he doesn't seem to care. He doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself... And that hurts me. We're supposed to be partners! We have to get along somehow, otherwise neither will make it... Right?

Now, I resist the urge to burst into a fresh wave of tears, resting my forehead on your shoulder as you rub my back soothingly. "See? You're all right. You'll be just fine."

Maybe so, but in the meantime... I don't want you to stop holding me. But, of course, I'm not allowed to get what I want. I rarely am. That's just the way it is for me. I close my eyes as you pull away and force a small smile.

"_Arigotou_, Kizna-san."

Will you really always be there or will you leave me behind someday as you and Zero make it to G.I.S., pilot and repairer? I try to cherish every moment we have together, so when that day inevitably comes I will have memories. After all, someday I might need them to help me survive.


End file.
